


Advanced Explorations of Sex and Gender.

by kazoobard



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multiple Authors, Trans Annie, trans troy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazoobard/pseuds/kazoobard
Summary: Troy is trans. He has to decide what to do.
Relationships: Troy Barnes / Abed Nadir (mention)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 95





	Advanced Explorations of Sex and Gender.

**Author's Note:**

> m1ndthemoon wrote the first part and graciously let me finish it! i hope i lived up to his intro, I love his writing style. (the cutoff between our writing is indicated by a * )

Troy didn’t mean to offend anyone. He thought he was finally getting more comfortable with this side of himself, he really did, but rejecting immediately Jeff’s invitation to go to the beach and then saying that he was “afraid of the crabs biting his toes” said otherwise. Alright, that last part wasn’t a lie. What if they reached him when he wasn’t looking? And wearing socks to the beach was the single most uncool thing in the world, so that wasn’t a possibility.

No, he didn’t lie to them. He just said half of the truth, which would’ve been ok if he wasn’t lying to Abed too.

Friends don’t lie, they had promised. That promise was the symbol of their friendship, of their soon-to-be relationship (Troy hoped). And the last thing Troy wanted was to break that important of a pact. He had tried many, many times to tell Abed everything, only for him to chicken out in the last second, thinking of the many ways everything could go wrong.

“Abed, I need to tell you something, but you have to promise to keep it a secret.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“I’m transgender. Which, uh… Means that I…”

“I know what it means. It means that we can’t be friends anymore. Sorry Troy, I only hang out with real men.”

Yeah, it was safer this way. And was he really hurting someone by being stealth? If anything, the truth would mess everything up, change the perceptions his friends had of him.

While everyone was leaving the study group, Abed waited for Troy, but Annie reached out to him.

“Can you leave me and Troy alone for a bit, please?”

Abed looked at Troy confused, like asking for his permission. Troy slowly nodded. He knew this couldn’t be anything good. His binder felt a little bit tighter on his chest.

Annie sat where Abed usually did, and invited Troy to sit with her.  
“You know, I don’t really like the beach either.”

Sounds reasonable. Annie never seemed like a beach girl.

“I had never heard the crabs thing before, though. If I were you I would’ve used something like ‘I don’t like heat’ or ‘I hate sand’”.

“It’s coarse, rough, and it gets everywhere”, Troy thought.

“One time”, continued Annie, “I made up a whole singing competition just to avoid going to a sleepover with my friends. I even had to show them the song I was auditioning with!” She chuckled.

Why would she need to do that? Sure, she wasn’t the most popular girl in Riverside, but he didn’t think she had anything to hide. 

“I’ve been stealth for a long, long time, Troy. And believe me when I say, you’ll miss out on more stuff than if you’re out.”

Troy hadn’t really processed the words when he first heard them. And then realization hit him.

“Wait”, he said slowly, already freaking out, “Are you saying that...? How did you…?”

The binder threatened to suffocate him. But Annie was already putting a hand on his back, calming him down.

“Relax, Troy” she said calmly. “I’m pretty sure no one in the study group has figured it out. And, if they did, I’m positive they would be very supportive.”  
She looked at the window. Abed was fidgeting with a Rubik cube. When he caught Troy and Abed staring at him, he smiled.

“Someday you’ll explain to him why you are so reluctant to change in front of him” she said.

Troy chuckled, and that seemed to drop (?) the weight he didn’t realize he had.  
“Thank you, Annie.” he said, his voice still a little bit shaky, “I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m not saying anything anytime soon, but thank you.” 

“So you’ll go to the beach with us?”

*

Troy nodded nervously, and Annie’s face lit up. “Oh, Troy!” she squealed, pulling him into a hug. He hugged back, relieved. She didn’t pull away when he buried his face in her shoulder, blinking back tears.

———

Troy sat up in bed, smacking his head on the underside of the top bunk. “Oww.”

He took a moment to calm down, running his hands over his face, fighting off the exhaustion and the anxiety. The nightmare was still coursing through his veins, making him shake and sweat.

“Troy?” Abed’s voice was clear and quiet and sent a shiver through his body.

He took a moment to respond, choking out, “Yeah?”

“Do you want to come up here?”

Troy grabbed his binder from where it lay stuffed under the mattress and quickly changed into it, pulling his pajama shirt over his newly-flat chest. He silently stood, climbing up the creaky stepladder to the top. Abed was curled up, facing away from him. Troy laid down next to him, staring at the ceiling.

“Did you have the nightmare about sneezing in front of Clive Owen?”

“Yes.”

Troy felt a pang of guilt about the lie. He’d really dreamed about wearing a t-shirt to the beach. It was fine, he was having fun, but then he got in the ocean. The fabric soaked up the water and weighed him down, and he was drowning. Twisted, gnarled arms pulled him down, whispering, telling him terrible things. He screamed for help, but his friends just stood on the beach, watching.

“Hey, Abed?”

“Yeah, Troy?”

“If I tell you something… will you promise not to hate me?”

“Okay.”

“And if you do hate me—”

“I won’t.”

“But if you do, will you promise to pretend that you’re dreaming and that this isn’t real?”

Abed paused, contemplating. “Yes.”

Troy was quiet for a long time. “Do you know what being transgender means?”

Abed turned over, his dark eyes pinning Troy down. “Yes. Do you want me to help you pick out a new name?”

“What?”

“Unless I’m mistaken, typically a transgender person comes out, then they pick out a new name to go by, then they—”

“Wait,” Troy said, holding up a hand. Abed closed his mouth.

Troy rubbed his palms into his eyes, trying to force his heart back into a steady rhythm. He could feel Abed’s gentle eyes on him, patiently waiting. He slowly moved his hands, his heart kicking back up into gear when his eyes (almost) met Abed’s.

“I’m not— I’m not trans in that way, Abed.”

“Oh. So you’re…”

“Yeah.” Troy’s voice was small. “You know how I get constipated once a week?”

“I tried not to mention it, I understand that it would be rude.”

Troy cracked a tiny smile. “I lock myself in the bathroom to take hormones.”

Abed nodded, slowly. “It must have been hard to keep this a secret.” Before Troy could say anything, Abed’s arms wrapped around him. Troy surrendered himself to the hug, burying his face in Abed’s pajama shirt. Abed rubbed tiny circles into Troy’s back, letting Troy sob for as long as he needed.

Eventually, Troy pulled back, and Abed looked at the spot between his eyebrows— the closest Abed ever got to eye contact. His eyes were wide and serious. “I love you, Troy.”

Troy eventually crawled back into his own bed. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t force himself to wake up early so that he could put his binder back on before Abed woke up. He just let himself breathe.

———

After a long, hard conversation (Annie made pancakes, which made the conversation slightly easier) the next morning, Troy decided that he was ready to tell everyone else. He spent a long time getting ready, moving as slowly as possible pulling on his jeans and his baggiest sweatshirt. He brought the sleeve up to his nose. Abed wore it for a Dreamatorium costume the other day, and it still smelled like him.

“You don’t have to do this.”

Troy snapped his head up to see Annie at the door. Curtain. Sheet. Whatever. “What?”

“Can I sit down?”

Troy nodded, and Annie moved down next to him. “You’re nervous.”

Troy swallowed thickly. “Yeah.”

“We can wait on this. We can find you a swim shirt to wear, or Abed and I can stay at home with you—”

“No.” Troy’s gaze stayed fixed on the floor, his eyes blurring to create wriggling worms out of the carpet. “I… want to do this. I have to do this.”

Troy felt a weight on his knee— Annie’s hand, palm outstretched. He took it, weaving his fingers through hers. It was comforting.

“I’m proud of you,” Annie said. “It’s hard to be stealth, but it’s harder to come out.”

“Do you think you want to come out?”

Annie took a careful breath, thinking. “No. I’m not ready for that yet.”

“Okay,” Troy said, squeezing her hand. “Well, when you are, I’ll be right next to you.”

“Thanks.” Annie lay her head on Troy’s shoulder and they sat together, quiet, until they were ready to face the world.

———

Abed held Troy’s hand all the way to study group. Pierce immediately perked up. “I knew it! I knew it.”

“Be quiet,” Annie commanded. Pierce shut his mouth, startled by Annie’s firmness. She turned to Troy, smiling softly.

Troy stayed quiet for the first half hour, bouncing his knee restlessly. When he didn’t laugh at a fart joke Pierce made, Britta looked toward him. “Are you okay?”

Troy nodded, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. “I, uh. I actually have something to tell you guys.”

Abed gave a soft nod in his direction, and Annie offered a small smile. Shirley offered a smile too, though much tighter and less natural. “I think I know what this is about, Troy. You don’t have to be scared.”

“I, um. I’m transgender.”

Everyone was silent, so Troy barreled forward. “It means that when I was born the doctor was like ‘you’re a girl!’ but they said it to my mom so they were like ‘it’s a girl!’ but the doctor was a hack and gender is weird so it turns out I’m not a girl at all and I transitioned in high school.” Troy cleared his throat, eyes flitting between everyone’s expressions. “Can someone… can someone say something? Please?”

Britta spoke up first. “I think it’s great, Troy. Say ‘screw it’ to the cishetero patriarchy!”

Troy laughed nervously, glancing between Britta and Abed. “No, no, I— I never said anything about not being straight. I— I didn’t say that.” Abed tilted his head.

Jeff’s eyebrows had disappeared into his hairline, but his expression was otherwise cool and calm. Unreadable.

Shirley cleared her throat. “This is… quite a surprise, Troy.” She looked at Abed, then back at him. “I guess I didn’t know what you were going to say.”

Troy searched her face, searching desperately for any inkling of acceptance. “Shirley?”

“I love you, Troy,” she says carefully, “and I guess I’m sure this was… very difficult for you to say.” She smiles, more genuine this time. “I’m proud of you.”

A wave of relief crashed over Troy. “Oh. Good.” His eyes met Annie’s, and she grinned, offering a small thumbs-up.

Pierce opened his mouth to make a comment, but Abed shut him down immediately. “Stop.”

They finished studying, only a little bit awkwardly, and stood up to leave. Everyone except Jeff filed out to leave. Annie and Abed waited at the door for Troy but he waved them off, sinking into Britta’s normal seat. Jeff looked up at Troy. “You okay, kiddo?”

“I think so,” Troy said, fidgeting, staring down at his hands. “Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because you spent so much time caring about me and trying to teach me how to be a man, and the whole time you were wasting your time on…”

“I wasn’t wasting my time.”

Troy looked up.

“You are a man. A real man. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Thanks, Jeff.”

“No problem.” Jeff stood, clapping Troy’s shoulder. “You coming with us to the beach, then? It’s a lot of pressure being the hottest guy there, I could use some competition.”

———

Shirley’s minivan rocked back and forth. The motion would normally put Troy to sleep, but he was wide awake, giddy and excited. He was squeezed into the backseat, Annie next to him, Britta on her other side. Britta wore a bikini top and cutoff shorts (a choice they all made fun of her for), and Annie wore a bright blue sundress over her swimsuit. She looked nervous, even though Abed and Troy assured her that nobody would even think twice. Troy squeezed her arm, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Your shirt is soft.”

Troy smiled. “Thank you.”

“That was a compliment to me, I used fabric softener.”

“We’re almost there!” Shirley announced from the driver’s seat. Jeff grunted in acknowledgement and Abed turned back to look at Troy, giving him a thumbs-up. Troy returned it, grinning.

The car slowed to a stop, and Shirley jumped out immediately. “Let’s go, everyone!”

Troy was the last one out, Britta helping him. She patted his back, a little too hard, like she always does. “Ready to go?”

Troy’s mouth quirked up into a smile. “Hell yeah, Miss 1990s.”

Everyone laughed, and Britta mumbled, “It’s not even that clever.” She cracked a smile, though, despite herself.

Troy looked around. Nobody was paying attention to him, so he took the opportunity to wriggle out of his t-shirt, leaving just his skin-tone binder and swim trunks.

He heard a whoop and looked up to see Britta do an awkward eyebrow raise. “Look at you, Troy, all muscly and confident.” Everyone turned, giving supportive and half-ironic catcalls. Even Pierce gave a whistle.

Abed turned to Troy, his eyes flickering from Troy’s arms back up to his face. “Race you to the beach?”

Troy didn’t even respond, just started running. His lungs burst as he sprinted, but he couldn’t stop smiling. He was so full of adrenaline and relief, that even when Abed crashed into him and accidentally knocked him face-first into the sand, he didn’t mind. He was surrounded by people that love him, and he was happy.


End file.
